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[11 Jun 2006|02:26am] |
So this is life. I see i see. I dont know if i am ready. I mean i think i am. I should be.
"Oh baby, baby please
I feel an urgent need to apologize
I did a terrible thing in a terrible dream
And now I can't look you in the eye
It started:
We were out on a date
And you turned to say,
"I gotta tell you something odd
I know I said we'd get married
But I'm already married"
And that's when you laughed so hard
So I turned and swung
Woke up in a shock
Nails digging blood from the base of my palms
Because people are so fickle
They fall in love at different angles
So really I could lose you just as quickly as I've gotten you
And that's the kind of thought that makes me nervous
And worried if you'll really think I'm worth it
When the rush wears off and you're left with this busted person
But if you tell me you will I will do wht I can to believe it
So baby all the things that I've seen
Last night while asleep
This morning, they're messing with me
And now I'm anxious as hell
And looking for help
Something pleasant and painless
Some story to tell
With a throughline of calm
That could stop me from being myself
'Cause all I think is how I wanna be your fever
Just to know I make you heated
'Cause I worry you might see me more like a blanket
Who's there for comfort and for cover
From the glare of former lovers
All that passion that kissed you and bit you 'til you were devoured
And I'd like to get better 'cause thinking like this is torture
And if I can't stop it you'll get sick of bearing crosses
And you'll jump to cut your losses
You'll go get quarantined somewhere far from me
Where it's much less dangerous
But maybe if I wake up and quit dreaming
I can shake and shit I'm fearing
And I can realize I'm just freaking out for no good reason
I'll tell you what:
If that's a line I can cross, once I get there, I'm not ever leaving"
Yeah. That pretty much about sums it up.
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| 225 bitches |
[04 Jun 2006|11:41am] |
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Me and blair and our boyfriends are making our way to the baton rouge area on Tuesday and we will be there till thursday. We girls are having some rough times and i personally plan on being drunk most of the time that i am there. Anyone who would like to join me can.
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[02 Jun 2006|12:41am] |
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I am not ready to let go.
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[18 May 2006|06:01pm] |
Um, i have a boyfriend.
He might just be the most adorable thing i have ever laid eyes on. I am falling and have no desire to try to catch myself. He said we were not looking for each other we just simply found each other. Then i smiled and he kissed me oh my oh my.
Today blair took a polaroid of us in his purple speedo and aviators and me in my retro bathing suit. Now that is love.
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[01 May 2006|11:39am] |
I am coming back to baton rouge tonight.
I already miss it.
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| But Father? |
[25 Apr 2006|01:40pm] |
Today my mom told me things that i secretly already knew but was just to young to truly remember. At least i now know. I can stop imagining what happened. And accept and move on. I understand more about myself than i ever have before. Today was a day of sharing. We talked about it all. Sex, god, friends, life, and everything in between. It was something that i needed.
And now that i have embraced the above i am so ready for it to be thursday. Me and some friends will be making our way to the 225. Friday we will be attending jazzfest. And i get to hold the hands of some rather beautiful people while watching the most inspiring musician i have encountered in my life time. And today i realized that it is ok that you will not be there. Because you will be happy else where. And that is all that really matters. I love you. But i have let it go. For your sake and mine.
There i go again. Witnessing myself grow up. Feels good.
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| So what if i am childish. |
[24 Apr 2006|02:17am] |
Not so good morning.
Made myself so upset i vomited 3 times and work.
Then i had friends calm me down and make me be the happy person i was made to be.
We went to last concert cafe and saw a rather awesome jam band.
Hula hoops. Dancing. Good conversation with good people.
Today i grew up just a little bit more.
It is so weird when i can see it as it happens.
3 days
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| I like people because they are good people not because they have a penis. |
[18 Apr 2006|12:31pm] |
Um.
Date.
Saturday.
Hot girl.
All is well. I recently realized that i have commitment issues. This is not just relating to relationships but in all areas of my life. I finally figured out what it was that made me this way and i think that it sucks. I say no to husbands, babies, and love. Exception: if her name is jenni. Then i can not help but be in love. I would have her children. But only one and it would have to be as awesome as us.
9days.
Fuckin a man.
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[13 Apr 2006|06:18pm] |
This post is being made for one reason only...
HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY LOU LOU!!!!!
I love you pretty girl.
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| Dance! Dance! Dance! |
[11 Apr 2006|04:15am] |
Hey there hey there darlin'
don't break too many hearts
keep 'em at a distance
and you keep 'em all guessing
you got a nice hand
but never show your cards
Drank away my girl in texas
ended up in new orleans
all the women down there knew better
than to mess around with me!
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| Im not an mad scientist i am an angry scientist! |
[06 Apr 2006|02:14am] |
Today i lounged on a couch and watched old school Teenage mutant ninja turtle cartoons and goosebumps on VHS. Then i played scrabble. Annnnddd danced in my car to hellogoodbye as a fellow music nazi coworker watched in humorous horror. It was quite a nice day.
I am ready for it to be April 28th.
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| My heads a carousel of pictures the spinning never stops. |
[18 Mar 2006|02:24am] |
As i was exiting off of I10 and onto 59 i came around a curb and then BAM there it was. HOUSTON. In all its glory. And all the sadness went away. It was beautiful. And i appreciated it again. I have taken this city for granted for to long now. And the past two days were wonderful. It was a nice vacation from the hectic city that surrounds me but i realized how much i really do love it. It is finally home. And then i thought about the past two days and how exciting they were. I didnt realize i missed so many people. But i do.
More people should come visit my home. And i think they would see that its not as bad as they want to think it is. It can be quite wonderful.
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| Rocketman |
[16 Mar 2006|12:10pm] |
Um im on my way to the promise land.
Well im on my way to baton rouge!
Who wants some amanda love. I have a lot saved and a lot to share.
7133766634
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| Baby im an anarchist. |
[15 Mar 2006|01:18am] |
Tonight i got wasted and witnessed hank the III in person. Insane.
Um, i dont understand boys and have decided that maybe im not suppose to. Or maybe im just not suppose to be in relationships with them. ANY of them. Is it even HONESTLY possible to ever TRULY be happy? No, ok.
E.T. Phone home i need to talk to you.
<3 the girl who isnt as unhappy as she seems.
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| Come home soon. |
[12 Mar 2006|10:37pm] |
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My favorite times are when i sing in the car alone and make believe that you are with me!
My favorite times are when i sing in the car with you and we make believe that jerry garcia is there.
That sounds like a better plan.
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| "Amanda, you moved to houston and became a hippie lesbian feminist." (end quote CER) |
[07 Mar 2006|01:48am] |
So i just typed out this huge post and then the computer fucked up and didnt update it properly. So instead of typing it all out ill just recap.
Tonight i got to see The Black Rebel Motorcycle Club for free.
Kristy (awesome girl from work) has a girlfriend and she is a manager of the venue the meridian.
She got us in for free and then gave us free drinks.
My night was good.
Butttt. Tomorrow me and blair are going to see the play journeys end.
Which a cute boy that i work(ed)with is in at the alley theater.
He put us on the will call list.
And then i feel in love.
Well not love but i would really like to get to know this boy.
My mom said he is as cute as a button.
My mom met him at the art auction that my starbucks held.
We raised over 11,000$ for the aids campaign of houston.
It was by far the most exciting thing i have been involved with since we moved to houston.
And on March 12th i will be walking in the aids walk with my store.
Night.
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| Dear Jenni... |
[28 Feb 2006|01:54pm] |
Tuesday March 28th at The parish in Austin Rilo Kiley will be playing.
No really,
Ive got my best shoes on, im ready to go.
<3
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| La da da da life goes on. |
[24 Feb 2006|09:12pm] |
Today i was sitting on the patio of my store on a smoke break and the guy sitting next to me looked at me and told me that whatever it was that was keeping me from smiling i should forget about it. And at that moment i decided that no i should not forget about it but i will choose to accept the out come, whatever it shall be. I know that life goes on, i mean it has for 20 years. Although it is not a relationship i want to let go of that does not mean that i am going to kill myself from the inside if we do have to part ways. I will choose to be happy, just as i have been since we moved to houston. I will choose to be as grown up about this as i possibly can. I have people in my life to keep me sane. [well i have jenni]She does a mighty fine job if i do say so myself. There have been many past days where i thank the stars above for placing her in my life. And each and everyday i meet new people who want to share a part in my life. Just like everything else i will accept it and move on. I see now what growing up is like. And what falling down is like. But i can only be hurt by the falling if i allow myself to be. And i can only be as happy as i will allow myself to be. And starting today things are truly going to be OKAY.
They say california is a recipe for a black hole and i say ive got my best shoes on..
Im ready to go.
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